Solution 3 – Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP
Dr. Legato is an award winning expert on gender specific medicine. She is a professor of clinical medicine at Columbia University where she founded and heads the Partnership for Gender-Specific Medicine. She wrote Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget , with Laura Tucker.
I believe that the information that I read from Dr. Legato was in my opinion, the best. She has several “Laws” that she believes will improve communication between the sexes.
1. The first law is to Tailor Your Content – By this she means that men and women tend to be interested in different things and can cause conflict in the way in which we talk to each other. By extending this courtesy to our spouses and focus our conversation on topics that may be of interest to both parties.
2. The second law is Keep It Simple – She believes that men and women can understand each other if they make an effort to bridge the communication gap by mastering a common language. To talk with men women should keep it simple, and use declarative points. Men on the other hand can be more expressive and provide more details to help women engage in conversation.
3. 3rd Rule – Stick to the Matter at Hand - This rule means just what it states, leave the past in the past and focus on the matter at hand.
4. 4th and final law – Believe What You Hear – Regardless of whether or not the conversation has the outcome that you are hoping to achieve, you have to take what your partner says at face value. You cannot adjust it to suit your purpose as this will create conflict and heartbreak later.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Source Evaluation - Timothy F. Dowty-
Solution 2 – Timothy F. Dowty, M.A., MFT
Dr Dowty is a marriage therapist in Nevada. He has been in private practice since 1993 and has a bachelors degree in Behavioral Science and a masters in Counseling and Psychology. He works extensively with couples to help overcome their communication issues to avoid divorce and have healthier relationships.
First and foremost he believes that you must stop arguing with your spouse. He states “refuse to!” When you’re in a discussion with your partner and you become aware of a conflict starting, stop the conversation and let them know that you feel like an argument is starting and that you do not wish to do that. Then ask your partner if you need to wait for a better time to have the conversation, or do we take a minute to calm down and continue?’
With that being said the next step is to listen to your partner. It is crucial to better communication for both partners to listen to the other and give them a chance to voice their opinion. Once both partners have been listened to, it is time to focus on a creative solution. By discussing the options available the couple is essentially developing communication skills that help them to better understand one another.
I believe that Dr. Dowty has some substantial points. By not allowing a conversation to escalate to an argument the couple will already prevent the “tune out” problem that occurs from elevated tempers. He also states that couples need to listen to one another, which does encourage understanding as listening encourages questioning, and also leads to better communication!
Dr Dowty is a marriage therapist in Nevada. He has been in private practice since 1993 and has a bachelors degree in Behavioral Science and a masters in Counseling and Psychology. He works extensively with couples to help overcome their communication issues to avoid divorce and have healthier relationships.
First and foremost he believes that you must stop arguing with your spouse. He states “refuse to!” When you’re in a discussion with your partner and you become aware of a conflict starting, stop the conversation and let them know that you feel like an argument is starting and that you do not wish to do that. Then ask your partner if you need to wait for a better time to have the conversation, or do we take a minute to calm down and continue?’
With that being said the next step is to listen to your partner. It is crucial to better communication for both partners to listen to the other and give them a chance to voice their opinion. Once both partners have been listened to, it is time to focus on a creative solution. By discussing the options available the couple is essentially developing communication skills that help them to better understand one another.
I believe that Dr. Dowty has some substantial points. By not allowing a conversation to escalate to an argument the couple will already prevent the “tune out” problem that occurs from elevated tempers. He also states that couples need to listen to one another, which does encourage understanding as listening encourages questioning, and also leads to better communication!
Source Evaluation - Dr. Rick Kirschner
Solution 1 – Dr. Rick Kirschner
Dr. Rick Kirschner, an adjunct faculty member of Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine specializes in working with individuals and groups to bring about positive changes in communication in individual relationships and team building skills for corporations. With over twenty years of experience he has developed a list of skills that he helps couples develop to overcome cross gender obstacles with communication.
His ideas to improve communication between the genders begins with 4 simple skills.
1. Start with useful assumptions - Dr. Kirschner states that a “useful assumption is something that gives you enough informed perspective that when you base your behavior on it, it takes you somewhere that you want to go.”
2. Build trust - To build trust, it has to be earned. Kirschner believes that trust is earned by “meeting people where they are at, taking an interest in what they mean by what they say, seeking to understand, and speaking authentically along the way.”
3. Resolve conflict creatively - “Nobody cooperates with someone who seems to be against them.” Basically if your partner feels that you are against them then they will turn off at an emotional unconscious level. Creative conflict is about being open to each others opinions and creating mutually satisfying solutions to problems.
4. Use persuasion to win hearts, hands, and minds – “ To be persuasive, you must understand the motivations, needs and beliefs of another person, and then speak to those needs and engage those motivations in a non-threatening manner.” (Dr. Kirschner)
Dr. Kirschner uses these methods to help men and women develop communication that will encourage healthy relationships. I think that many of these principles of conversation are already in place between myself and my spouse, with limited success. Most of the time I find that my assumptions are not useful and tend to lead me in the wrong direction. The trust is in place, as we have been married for thirteen years and no relationship can survive that long without trust. Many of our conflicts are solved creatively using persuasion to try and convince the other that our thoughts are the best! My husband and I typically end up compromising and coming up with a reasonable solution.
Dr. Rick Kirschner, an adjunct faculty member of Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine specializes in working with individuals and groups to bring about positive changes in communication in individual relationships and team building skills for corporations. With over twenty years of experience he has developed a list of skills that he helps couples develop to overcome cross gender obstacles with communication.
His ideas to improve communication between the genders begins with 4 simple skills.
1. Start with useful assumptions - Dr. Kirschner states that a “useful assumption is something that gives you enough informed perspective that when you base your behavior on it, it takes you somewhere that you want to go.”
2. Build trust - To build trust, it has to be earned. Kirschner believes that trust is earned by “meeting people where they are at, taking an interest in what they mean by what they say, seeking to understand, and speaking authentically along the way.”
3. Resolve conflict creatively - “Nobody cooperates with someone who seems to be against them.” Basically if your partner feels that you are against them then they will turn off at an emotional unconscious level. Creative conflict is about being open to each others opinions and creating mutually satisfying solutions to problems.
4. Use persuasion to win hearts, hands, and minds – “ To be persuasive, you must understand the motivations, needs and beliefs of another person, and then speak to those needs and engage those motivations in a non-threatening manner.” (Dr. Kirschner)
Dr. Kirschner uses these methods to help men and women develop communication that will encourage healthy relationships. I think that many of these principles of conversation are already in place between myself and my spouse, with limited success. Most of the time I find that my assumptions are not useful and tend to lead me in the wrong direction. The trust is in place, as we have been married for thirteen years and no relationship can survive that long without trust. Many of our conflicts are solved creatively using persuasion to try and convince the other that our thoughts are the best! My husband and I typically end up compromising and coming up with a reasonable solution.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Source Evaluation - Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D.
Source Evaluation – Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D
Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D. is currently an Extension Educator in Family and Consumer Sciences for Ohio State University. Much of her work appears as brochures that are published for the University. One of the studies that I found to be most useful was Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships.
In this piece Torppa uses research to document that the differences in communication between the sexes is really quite minor, the major issue lies in the perception of the message communicated. She believes that both males and females have the ability to communicate in a manner that is nurturing, aggressive, or sentimental and that the source of most communication issues lies in the interpretation of the statement.
Although Torppa’s theory varies from my other sources in the sense as to where the conflict begins, she essentially agrees that there is a breakdown in the communication between the genders and is able to provide examples and evidence of her thought processes. After reading her work I can see some validity to her theories and can say that I agree with her to some extent.
Using her information as a contrast between Dr. Fuller and Tannen will give my paper depth and allow for some different ideas that can work together if documented well. Dr. Torppa documents her theories well and provides clear examples that allow the reader to clearly understand her point of view and will allow me to include her research within my paper.
Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D. is currently an Extension Educator in Family and Consumer Sciences for Ohio State University. Much of her work appears as brochures that are published for the University. One of the studies that I found to be most useful was Gender Issues: Communication Differences in Interpersonal Relationships.
In this piece Torppa uses research to document that the differences in communication between the sexes is really quite minor, the major issue lies in the perception of the message communicated. She believes that both males and females have the ability to communicate in a manner that is nurturing, aggressive, or sentimental and that the source of most communication issues lies in the interpretation of the statement.
Although Torppa’s theory varies from my other sources in the sense as to where the conflict begins, she essentially agrees that there is a breakdown in the communication between the genders and is able to provide examples and evidence of her thought processes. After reading her work I can see some validity to her theories and can say that I agree with her to some extent.
Using her information as a contrast between Dr. Fuller and Tannen will give my paper depth and allow for some different ideas that can work together if documented well. Dr. Torppa documents her theories well and provides clear examples that allow the reader to clearly understand her point of view and will allow me to include her research within my paper.
Source Evaluation - Dr. James Fuller, Jr
href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CSTEPHA%7E1%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"> Source Evaluation – James W. Fuller, Jr., Ph.D., LCSW
Source Evaluation – James W. Fuller, Jr., Ph.D., LCSW
Dr. James Fuller has a long history of work with gender and family communication. He has taught courses at the University of Richmond in gender and family communication and currently works as a psychotherapist in his private practice, where he specializes in the interdisciplines of communication, gender, and family.
The information and research that I found on Dr. Fuller was located on his website and in publications that were linked to his site. Much of the content was based on education and his personal experience over the past 20+ years. However, much of the basic information provided correlates with Tannen and tends to generally agree with her logic and theories on the communication gap between the genders.
The information contained discusses the different reasons men and women communicate and how it can create friction in relationships based on misunderstandings caused by the differences. Dr. Fuller concurs with Tannen in that men are sparse with words and for women that talking to establish and maintain relationships is essential. He discusses how both genders can learn to respect each other’s differences without it becoming a personal issue that destroys the relationship.
As I read through the research provided I determined that the information appears to be unbiased and is presented clearly and objectively. I was able to understand the content of the material and draw conclusions based on the material that was provided. I was able to determine that the conclusions support my original ideas on the topic and could be useful in my paper.
Source Evaluation - Tannen
I was first introduced to Deborah Tannen in this English class when a piece of her work was provided for an assignment. After reading the short excerpt I found myself drawn to the topic of male vs. female communication. I decided to google Tannen to begin my research on her credentials and find out if she had any additional work that would be beneficial to my paper. What I discovered encouraged me to use her as one of the sources for my paper.
Tannen has a Ph.D in linguistics and is currently a professor at Georgetown University. She has published over 20 books and a hundred articles relating to communication issues that occur in everyday life. The book that Tannen is best recognized for is You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.
I have to say that after reading some of Tannen’s work I agree with her thought that neither male or female communication is superior, it is just a matter of each learning to interpret and understand the other’s methods of communication. She believes that “masculine and feminine styles of discourse are best viewed as two distinct cultural dialect and miscommunication between men and women is all the more insidious because the parties usually don’t realize that they are in a cross-cultural encounter.” Throughout her career Tannen has developed theories, such as the above mentioned, as to why gender communication is an issue in so many relationships and she discusses them at length within her work.
“If my interpretation is correct, then readers, on hearing my explanation, will exclaim with their heads, “Aha!” Something they have intuitively sensed will be made explicit” (Tannen, in Griffin, 1997, p.455). This type of reaction is exactly what Tannen’s work received from me as I read it. I felt as if she was in my relationship with my husband and had been listening to us communicate for the past 13 years. As I read each of her statements I found myself wanting to learn how Tannen feels that communication obstacles within a relationship can be dealt with and overcome.
I believe Tannen is a great source for my paper because every single person that has been involved in any type of male-female relationship will be able to find at least one point that they can relate to and apply to their own personal communication issues.
Source Evaluation - Tannen
Source Evaluation – Deborah Tannen
I was first introduced to Deborah Tannen in this English class when a piece of her work was provided for an assignment. After reading the short excerpt I found myself drawn to the topic of male vs. female communication. I decided to google Tannen to begin my research on her credentials and find out if she had any additional work that would be beneficial to my paper. What I discovered encouraged me to use her as one of the sources for my paper.
Tannen has a Ph.D in linguistics and is currently a professor at Georgetown University. She has published over 20 books and a hundred articles relating to communication issues that occur in everyday life. The book that Tannen is best recognized for is You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation.
I have to say that after reading some of Tannen’s work I agree with her thought that neither male or female communication is superior, it is just a matter of each learning to interpret and understand the other’s methods of communication. She believes that “masculine and feminine styles of discourse are best viewed as two distinct cultural dialect and miscommunication between men and women is all the more insidious because the parties usually don’t realize that they are in a cross-cultural encounter.” Throughout her career Tannen has developed theories, such as the above mentioned, as to why gender communication is an issue in so many relationships and she discusses them at length within her work.
“If my interpretation is correct, then readers, on hearing my explanation, will exclaim with their heads, “Aha!” Something they have intuitively sensed will be made explicit” (Tannen, in Griffin, 1997, p.455). This type of reaction is exactly what Tannen’s work received from me as I read it. I felt as if she was in my relationship with my husband and had been listening to us communicate for the past 13 years. As I read each of her statements I found myself wanting to learn how Tannen feels that communication obstacles within a relationship can be dealt with and overcome.
I believe Tannen is a great source for my paper because every single person that has been involved in any type of male-female relationship will be able to find at least one point that they can relate to and apply to their own personal communication issues.
Monday, March 15, 2010
I am writing my research paper in regards to the communication differences between men and women because I understand why it is such an issue! I have a husband and can honestly say that I do not believe that we will ever understand each other. We get along well enough and have been married for almost 13 years - however we frequently just have to shake our heads and go about our business. I think this will be a fun topic because I can apply it to my everday life!
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